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[personal profile] lydy
So, David and I have been living together for more than 20 years. While we lack the blessing of the state, I think it is reasonable to describe us as "old marrieds." One of the things we like to do is just, you know, hang out. It's not that we have nothing to say to each other, of course, we talk a lot. But sometimes, there's a nice animal comfort in being in the same room, doing different things. No need to interact, really, but the physical presence is companionable.

I've gotten obsessed with The Rachel Maddow Show. David... really not. So, he wants to hang out in the media room with me, and read a book or work on his laptop, and I want to watch TRMS, or other news shows. This doesn't really work, for him, and so either I don't get to do the thing I want, or he doesn't get to do the thing he wants, or we have to be in separate rooms. We kind of assumed that there was a headphone jack on the television, and we could just set me up with a long cable and headphones. Yeah, no. The television is too modern, or something, and doesn't have a headphone jack.

David did a little research, and there's this combination of things that you can use. David can explain it, I can't. Any gate, there's a thing that you plug into the television that gets the audio from...something optical? Not sure. Then there's a bluetooth repeater. David spent some time looking for something that has a very low latency. Latency? Any gate, so the sound and the picture would be in synch. (I can't watch dubbed movies, because the sound and the lips being out of synch makes me crazy.) Then there's a little bluetooth receiver with a headphone jack.

Due to various things, like the fact I spent Christmas out of town, David hadn't bought me a Christmas present. So he asked me if I would like this set up, where I could watch my news shows without driving him out of the room. And if I preferred earbuds versus headphones. And if this would qualify as a good present. I was delighted, said yes, he got the things, and they work exactly as we had hoped, and I'm delighted.

And it's such an old married sort of situation. First, no stress on just asking me if I wanted such a thing. And also, if it would constitute a present. It was a sensible question. There are ways to look at it that would suggest that rather than a present for me, it was a present for him. And, you know, I think that if we weren't old married, a "Hey, how about I buy you a thing that lets us ignore each other while being in the same room, wouldn't that be cool?" might come across as...not so romantic.

There are many charms to the early bits of a relationship. The falling in love, the newness, the excitement of it all. But I also love the calm, slow bits, the comfort and the ease of having someone where most of the communication bugs have been worked out, and where most of the fraught bits have been dealt with. Not all, of course. We still have our moments. But this really was just such a good Christmas present.

Date: 2017-03-26 03:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mount-oregano.livejournal.com
Yes. We need one of those in our house for the same reason. We've been together more than 25 years, and for the same reasons as you, that discussion and solution would be comfortable and welcome.

Date: 2017-03-26 05:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kalimac.livejournal.com
I like being an old married. No pressure to maintain initial passion, just comfortable long-term love. The idea that reaching this state means something's wrong with the relationship, the cause of so many divorces (at least in fiction), is utterly alien to me.

Date: 2017-03-26 06:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lydy.livejournal.com
I completely agree.

I wonder, though, if this is in some ways easier for me because I'm in a polyamorous relationship. I can, if I want, go out and fall in love, again, and have all the new bits of a relationship without forfeiting the delightful comfort of an established relationship. I haven't done that, for a while, mind you. My current three sweeties are all of long-standing, though with Ctein there was a 17 year hiatus. I guess I'm built for long-term relationships, provided they're not monogamous.

Date: 2017-03-27 10:02 am (UTC)

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