New Pet Peeve

[lydy]

I really like my job. I do. And part of my job is to provide some incidental services upon request. It's really not a big deal. But I am currently really irritated with the variations on, "I'm sorry, I don't mean to be a pain," and "I hope you don't think I'm too inconvenient," because, really, what the fuck do you expect me to say? Reach deep into your imagination, assume I like my job enough to want to continue to be employed, and what responses can you blu-sky I might come up with? If you can come up with anything other than a variation on "It's fine, I don't mind at all, you are not a pain," you are an idiot.

What we have here is an hierarchical, economic relationship. Sorry, tough, but that's what's going on. When you ask me for reassurance about you being importunate, you are doing one of two things. The first is demanding reassurance for your insecurities from someone who has no choice but to offer them to you. This is a shitty thing to do, akin to threatening someone unless they say that they love you. While your physical needs do fall within my purview, your emotional needs do not, and you are extending the relationship to coerce me into serving your emotional needs, and really, if I weren't at work I'd tell you to fuck yourself. But, of course, I am at work, and that's entirely the point. So I will reassure your sorry ass that you're a fine human being, even if I don't mean it. And if I do mean it? There's absolutely no way to be sure, because see "hierarchical, economic relationship" above. You can only get one response out of me, and now you have it, and yes, it's unsatisfactory. Sorry about that. Nothing to be done. On the other hand, if you are so utterly oblivious to the actual nature of our relationship that you think that I might tell you the truth, I spit on your delusions and your arrogant ignorance of what it is like to work in a service industry.

For fuck's sake, for enough money, any whore will tell you she loves you and that you give her the best orgasms ever. Some people find that satisfying. But it's not an authentic relationship, bucko.

But I would like to reiterate that I really do love my job, and that I don't usually mind doing the various things that my job entails, and that does include a certain amount of personal care and service. However, it's not personal. It's not you. I do it because I love my job. You, I barely know you. And, you just got on my last nerve.

Can you tell it's Friday? Also, I need a fucking vacation.

Comments

[lydy.livejournal.com]

I remember being in Brooklyn, and going into a bodega for some basics. I found what I needed, took them to the counter. The gentleman behind the counter was on the phone, speaking rapidly in Spanish. I caught his eye, set down my items. He smiled, continued to talk while he rang me up, interrupted his conversation to tell me the amount, went back to talking while I gave him money, he gave me change, bagged my items, and was still talking as I left the bodega. I was pleased with the transaction, pleased that there had been no need for him to interrupt the conversation he was having. The interaction was brisk, efficient, and in my eyes, friendly. I was happy that I hadn't needed to interrupt him, and happy that he hadn't felt it necessary to interrupt himself. It wasn't until I had walked a half a block or so that I realized that to many of my Midwestern friends, this would have been considered an unpleasant, possibly even hostile exchange. For my sensibilities, it was pleasant and respectful, and allowed both of us to be completely real and human. I have no idea what it looked like to the cashier in the bodega, of course.

[dreamshark.livejournal.com]

Of course, you aren't originally from the Upper Midwest, are you? Somewhere in Pennsylvania, wasn't it?

[lydy.livejournal.com]

Pittsburgh, ages 9 through 17. Parents from Boston, Mass. From ages 2 through 9, very rural Upstate New York, which isn't as blunt as NYC, but way less circumlocutory as the Midwest.

There are advantages to the very indirect way in which Midwesterners attack interpersonal conflicts. But what I find continually chaps my ass is the weird, inauthentic nature of some professional relationships. This is, by the way, exactly why I was a terrible whore. The whole pretending that the relationship is way more than it actually is, I don't do that well. For me, an integral part of respecting other people is noticing their context, as well as your own. In a professional context, I can never tell you to fuck right off, so presenting a situation which pretends that this is an option, when we both should know that it isn't, is irritating, even if I have absolutely no inclination to tell you to fuck right off. Even if I'm kindly inclined, and cheerfully willing to do what you are asking for, pretending that I somehow have an option I don't irritates me. But, it's not Friday anymore, and I've slept once, so I'm a lot less irritated than I was. Yay for sleep.

[quadong.livejournal.com]

For normalization purposes, I would like to check whether you would find the conduct of the people working at my local post office to be New York-polite. (I was just there and thought of this post.) They stare deadly past you, making no personal contact at all, to you or anyone else. I think they mutter "canihelpyou" and "thankyouhaveaniceday" at the appropriate times. They don't do anything unambiguously rude, and they do provide the services that you ask of them. Does that make them polite in other parts of the country, or do we mostly agree that they are not very friendly?

[lydy.livejournal.com]

If they're swift and efficient, then it wouldn't bother me, although it might not read as polite. If they're slow and sullen, it would annoy me. In the bodega example, I felt like I got a friendly acknowledgment, in that the cashier smiled at me, but didn't bother with extraneous interactions. I think that this sort of interaction is more polite in large cities, where people are overloaded with other people, and so its polite to give as many people as possible additional space and privacy. There is a thing service people do, where they pretend you're not really there, that I find rude and condescending. But I prefer the sorts of interactions where there's no extraneous socializing. I also prefer people who talk fast and get to the point.