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So, I'm working on this enormously pretty afghan. Each motif has a center square in a really pretty variegated yarn, and some lovely edging. And it requires a fuck-ton of sewing. About ninety million squares. Ok, no, really only 96 squares, and if I'd made gauge it would only have been 63, but it didn't, and then I decided that since it was so nice and cuddly warm I wanted it to be big enough to go nose to toes and tuck in all around. It's not quite big enough for two, but plenty wide for one. Finished size will be a shade over six feet by four feet. And as I said, it's really pretty.
I hate sewing. Even really easy whip-stitch is incredibly boring and annoying. And this is basic whip-stitch. First, you make short strips, in this case, eight squares long. Then you sew the strips, in this case twelve of them, to each other. All well and good, right? How can this possibly go wrong? Really, it's so simple, even a child could do it. (If you didn't hear Tom Lehrer in you head just now, go and listen to "New Math" again, it's clearly been too long.) Attaching a square takes me in the neighborhood of four to seven minutes. When you multiply this out, this means about twelve hours of sewing. At which point, the center did not hold. Where the four squares met together, they kind of came apart. Some a little bit, some a lot. This is actually even a larger problem than it sounds, since part of the pattern's charm is that where the squares meet, they form a four-pointed star, which is very pretty. And when it worked, it was very pretty. But mostly, it didn't work, what with the holes and the falling apart thing. I couldn't even figure out why it was doing it, mostly.
In desperation, I started trying to repair the individual holes by just doing a little extra whip-stitching. Three hours later, I realized that I was, in fact, repairing the same holes over and over again. The center would not hold. Just fucking wouldn't. With doan wanna sauce. So, then I started disassembling the fucker. At first, I thought that I could just disassemble the short strips, and have 12 short strips, and then start again. Then I made a mistake, and disassembled along the wrong axis, and realized that I was well and truly fucked. However, this also made clear to me that actually completely disassembling the bastard was, in fact, necessary. The more I looked at the construction, the more clearly I saw how completely and utterly fucked it was. It just couldn't hold. It just all had to come apart. All ninety-six motherfucking squares. Gods help me.
I finished dissassembly today. My best estimate is that it took me about five hours to disassemble. I didn't time it carefully. I damaged five motifs in the process, that will take me probably another two hours to fix. The damage isn't severe, never more than a single round, but it's annoying.
So, let's count. Twelve hours of sewing completely down the drain. Another five hours of disassembly. At least two hours of repair to damaged motifs. Oh, and let's not forget the three hours of attempted emergency repair which was also a complete waste of time. That's, um, 22 hours of wasted time. Reassembly, which I really hope I can start tomorrow, will take at least 12 hours of sewing time, assuming I can think of a reasonable way to do the sewing so that it actually holds. I have some ideas, there. And then, probably another two hours of doing the border. If we call it three hours for the border, then that's, you know, an nice round 15 hours. And I think I need the slop, either for the border or for the extra work in figuring out how to sew these fuckers more securely.
Jesus, people. The motifs were running just under an hour a piece. I usually figure about 10% of the work of the finished afghan is assembly and border. In this case, if we call the motifs 95 hours, the finishing time is running 27 hours. That means that, including wasted time, my finishing time is well over 25% of the work on this afghan, and that the total hours spent will be over 130.
All I can say is that this sucker better be really fucking beautiful.
I hate sewing. Even really easy whip-stitch is incredibly boring and annoying. And this is basic whip-stitch. First, you make short strips, in this case, eight squares long. Then you sew the strips, in this case twelve of them, to each other. All well and good, right? How can this possibly go wrong? Really, it's so simple, even a child could do it. (If you didn't hear Tom Lehrer in you head just now, go and listen to "New Math" again, it's clearly been too long.) Attaching a square takes me in the neighborhood of four to seven minutes. When you multiply this out, this means about twelve hours of sewing. At which point, the center did not hold. Where the four squares met together, they kind of came apart. Some a little bit, some a lot. This is actually even a larger problem than it sounds, since part of the pattern's charm is that where the squares meet, they form a four-pointed star, which is very pretty. And when it worked, it was very pretty. But mostly, it didn't work, what with the holes and the falling apart thing. I couldn't even figure out why it was doing it, mostly.
In desperation, I started trying to repair the individual holes by just doing a little extra whip-stitching. Three hours later, I realized that I was, in fact, repairing the same holes over and over again. The center would not hold. Just fucking wouldn't. With doan wanna sauce. So, then I started disassembling the fucker. At first, I thought that I could just disassemble the short strips, and have 12 short strips, and then start again. Then I made a mistake, and disassembled along the wrong axis, and realized that I was well and truly fucked. However, this also made clear to me that actually completely disassembling the bastard was, in fact, necessary. The more I looked at the construction, the more clearly I saw how completely and utterly fucked it was. It just couldn't hold. It just all had to come apart. All ninety-six motherfucking squares. Gods help me.
I finished dissassembly today. My best estimate is that it took me about five hours to disassemble. I didn't time it carefully. I damaged five motifs in the process, that will take me probably another two hours to fix. The damage isn't severe, never more than a single round, but it's annoying.
So, let's count. Twelve hours of sewing completely down the drain. Another five hours of disassembly. At least two hours of repair to damaged motifs. Oh, and let's not forget the three hours of attempted emergency repair which was also a complete waste of time. That's, um, 22 hours of wasted time. Reassembly, which I really hope I can start tomorrow, will take at least 12 hours of sewing time, assuming I can think of a reasonable way to do the sewing so that it actually holds. I have some ideas, there. And then, probably another two hours of doing the border. If we call it three hours for the border, then that's, you know, an nice round 15 hours. And I think I need the slop, either for the border or for the extra work in figuring out how to sew these fuckers more securely.
Jesus, people. The motifs were running just under an hour a piece. I usually figure about 10% of the work of the finished afghan is assembly and border. In this case, if we call the motifs 95 hours, the finishing time is running 27 hours. That means that, including wasted time, my finishing time is well over 25% of the work on this afghan, and that the total hours spent will be over 130.
All I can say is that this sucker better be really fucking beautiful.
