lydy | An Open Letter to John C. Wright

When I was a Christian, I was a nihilist. The knowledge of an omniscient, omnipotent being filled me with despair. I felt small, ineffectual, and pointless. If the Creator of all could not prevent the pain and despair of the world, what could I possibly do? Getting right with God was all very well, in its way, but it felt empty and meaningless. What profit a man if he gain the world but lose his soul? Sure, yes, but what profit a man if he save his soul but cannot save the world?

Leaving the faith was my first step toward hope. When I consider the world, now, I don't see the hand of God. I see the glory of random chance, an infinity of possibility, narrowed over time to this exact instant, where everything that has gone before has led to this moment, and my choice, now, will change everything that happens from after this moment. It is both humbling and empowering. I cannot know if my choices are the right ones;, I cannot foresee all ends. But I know that what I do matters. And by observation, care, and thought, I can try to make better choices, choices that are better for myself and my world. I am the very opposite of a nihilist. I think that what I do matters, that my choices and my existence are important. When I abandoned a belief in life after death, I embraced the value of life here and now. Because this is the only life that I have, because when I die, all that will be left is the effect of my choices here and now, I care immensely about my actions. I take joy in life.

There are many roads to joy and hope. I know people who find that the reflection of God in nature leads them to care for their world, and the reflection of God in their fellow man lead them to love and care for others. This is not a road I can follow. But I can see it, and value it in other people. Joy, love, hope, faith, truth, these are all values we can share, no matter the road that leads us here.

A dear friend, many years ago, told me that it is very difficult to know the mind of God, but it is easy to see his works. This has freed me in so many ways. It has let me be friends with people of many faiths, and has helped me stop from criticizing people who are Atheist-ing wrong, or Christianing wrong. It is easy to see God's works. Love, charity, compassion, these things matter.

I would like to object, in the strongest terms, to the way you equate atheism, or belief in evolution, with nihilism. I am a joyful, hopeful person as an atheist. As a Christian, I was a hopeless, helpless nihilist. Not everyone walks the same path as I have walked, but that is ok. What is important is that we do God's work, even if we don't believe in him.