Things I'd rather you didn't say
Jun. 11th, 2016 09:29 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lydy"She had a long life." For me, this contains the implication that I should be content with the time I had with her. I am not content. I am grieving. And the fact that I had sixteen years with Arwen means that I have sixteen years of my life twined with hers, and the gap will be very large.
"She's going to a better place." I don't believe in an after-life, nor do I find the concept of an after-life the least bit comforting.
"It'll be ok." No, it won't. There is nothing ok about this. Yes, I say that too. I told her that over and over again on the way home from the vet with after her terminal diagnosis. It's still a lie.
I also have zero interest in talking about terminal options. This is not my first rodeo, kids. I am perfectly aware of the options, and I will deal with the necessities as they come up. But at the moment, she's her own self. She's eating, complaining, and getting around about as spryly as ever. She's nearly blind in her right eye, and that will probably get worse. But she's not currently in pain.
I found out yesterday. She has a tumor on the right side of her face, which is causing the right eye to swell shut, and there is an open sore in her mouth. The doctor says that it is neither operable nor treatable. There's a minuscule chance it's an infection, and I'm giving her antibiotics for it. But it's not, and we all know it.
I have a lot of other stress going on, right now. Things are not good. And no, I don't really know what you _should_ say. I'm crap at this whole being supportive and saying kind things, too. And I won't hold it against you if you say the wrong thing. But I'm prone to flashes of anger and flashes of despair, just now. Very emotionally labile. If you nick me the wrong way, even if you say something perfectly reasonable and kind, I may get angry or upset. I'll get over it. But my immediate reactions are not necessarily on an even keel.
"She's going to a better place." I don't believe in an after-life, nor do I find the concept of an after-life the least bit comforting.
"It'll be ok." No, it won't. There is nothing ok about this. Yes, I say that too. I told her that over and over again on the way home from the vet with after her terminal diagnosis. It's still a lie.
I also have zero interest in talking about terminal options. This is not my first rodeo, kids. I am perfectly aware of the options, and I will deal with the necessities as they come up. But at the moment, she's her own self. She's eating, complaining, and getting around about as spryly as ever. She's nearly blind in her right eye, and that will probably get worse. But she's not currently in pain.
I found out yesterday. She has a tumor on the right side of her face, which is causing the right eye to swell shut, and there is an open sore in her mouth. The doctor says that it is neither operable nor treatable. There's a minuscule chance it's an infection, and I'm giving her antibiotics for it. But it's not, and we all know it.
I have a lot of other stress going on, right now. Things are not good. And no, I don't really know what you _should_ say. I'm crap at this whole being supportive and saying kind things, too. And I won't hold it against you if you say the wrong thing. But I'm prone to flashes of anger and flashes of despair, just now. Very emotionally labile. If you nick me the wrong way, even if you say something perfectly reasonable and kind, I may get angry or upset. I'll get over it. But my immediate reactions are not necessarily on an even keel.
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no subject
Date: 2016-06-11 03:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-06-11 04:03 pm (UTC)Thank you.
no subject
Date: 2016-06-11 03:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-06-11 04:03 pm (UTC)They do want to help. And they are kind, and kindly meant. And there's nothing to do, which is hard for all of us.
no subject
Date: 2016-06-11 04:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-06-12 08:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-06-11 07:07 pm (UTC)I retrieved the one the folks aren't using
so sorry
it sounds horrible
I hate when i can't fix my critters
it makes me feel like i've failed them.
sigh
no subject
Date: 2016-06-12 08:12 am (UTC)I try to remember that this is happening because I took good enough care of her that she got old enough to have old-age diseases. This is not as comforting at you might think.
no subject
Date: 2016-06-12 08:20 pm (UTC)not sleeping is horrible.
no its not comforting
not comforting at all.
I really wish the 'body-used up by date'
was not so short.
the end no matter how long
you get it put off by taking the best care you can,
of your furry little friends.
still comes too soon.
if there was a longevity gene
i certainly would splice it into my cats.
no subject
Date: 2016-06-11 07:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-06-12 08:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-06-12 06:40 am (UTC)Much love to you and Arwen.
no subject
Date: 2016-06-12 08:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-06-12 12:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-06-15 03:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-06-14 04:41 pm (UTC)I've been facing Tigger's mortality lately. He's seventeen, has been diagnosed with FIV and is badly congested with very little appetite, etc. But he's alive and I'm hugging him a lot and giving him whatever treats he will take and refuse to think about going on without him.
no subject
Date: 2016-06-15 03:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-06-16 03:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-06-15 01:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-06-15 03:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-06-21 07:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-06-21 09:45 am (UTC)Still horrifically stressed.