Choices, Choices
May. 17th, 2005 12:07 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lydyWhich would you rather, to lose IQ points, or to be depressed?
Before it became an issue, I would have said depression, all the way. Lose IQ points? Utterly unacceptable.
The real world isn't as neat and orderly as thought experiments. Darn shame, really. I've been losing words. It feels like I've been losing them rather quickly. I also have a terrible time describing or explaining things. I find myself lost in a sea of pronouns, with space and movement confused concepts that I don't seem to be able to relate. Of course, I'm 43. It's a little early, maybe, to be experiencing aphasia, but it's certainly well within the normal range of human experience. It may be that I feel mine more keenly because I'm hyper-verbal. I never was able to give good directions. It feels worse, now, but that's self-reporting, which isn't very reliable in this area. When asked, friends usually shake their heads and say, I haven't noticed anything, or, Maybe a little, I'm not sure. I should probably just take their word for it. If these things are happening, they're probably being caused by my vast array of drugs.
Back to the question. I'm really not a scintillating conversationalist when depressed. In fact, I mostly don't socialize. I don't do projects. I don't even stare out the window at all the pretty birds. I may be smarter, but I do less with it. When I'm medicated, I go out with friends, I start and often finish projects, it's a lot better a ;life than being depressed.
Where's the line? Surely there has to be a line somewhere, but how would I know when I'd crossed it? Trying to do a cost/benefit analysis on your soul is a bitch.
Before it became an issue, I would have said depression, all the way. Lose IQ points? Utterly unacceptable.
The real world isn't as neat and orderly as thought experiments. Darn shame, really. I've been losing words. It feels like I've been losing them rather quickly. I also have a terrible time describing or explaining things. I find myself lost in a sea of pronouns, with space and movement confused concepts that I don't seem to be able to relate. Of course, I'm 43. It's a little early, maybe, to be experiencing aphasia, but it's certainly well within the normal range of human experience. It may be that I feel mine more keenly because I'm hyper-verbal. I never was able to give good directions. It feels worse, now, but that's self-reporting, which isn't very reliable in this area. When asked, friends usually shake their heads and say, I haven't noticed anything, or, Maybe a little, I'm not sure. I should probably just take their word for it. If these things are happening, they're probably being caused by my vast array of drugs.
Back to the question. I'm really not a scintillating conversationalist when depressed. In fact, I mostly don't socialize. I don't do projects. I don't even stare out the window at all the pretty birds. I may be smarter, but I do less with it. When I'm medicated, I go out with friends, I start and often finish projects, it's a lot better a ;life than being depressed.
Where's the line? Surely there has to be a line somewhere, but how would I know when I'd crossed it? Trying to do a cost/benefit analysis on your soul is a bitch.
no subject
Date: 2005-05-17 01:32 pm (UTC)One odd thought: I lose nouns in spoken conversation, but not typed (email, LJ, Usenet, IM). You might want to experiment and see if they're still there for you, using that retrieval mechanism. It doesn't help that much when I'm talking to someone in person or on the phone--especially if I don't have a keyboard handy--but it's reassuring to know that they're still there, and that I can get at them.