In which I fear they will make the tubes kiss

[lydy]

Some five or so years ago, I had a colonoscopy.  The prep was sufficiently unpleasant that I have been extremely reluctant to schedule the recommended follow-up.  The actual procedure itself I do not remember at all, but after I regained consciousness, they told me that I should arrange to have a proper anesthesiologist, next time, what with me not really wanting to breathe during the procedure.  

For a couple of years, now, I have been having intermittent and not very serious, but extremely persistent GI issues.  There have been a constellation of symptoms, some of which have been uncomfortable, and a few a bit embarrassing.  I kept on assuming it would clear up, but it didn't.  I didn't mention it to my doctor earlier because, see: embarrassing.  Fairly recently, I had symptoms which could be caused by upper GI bleeding.   After having Dr. Google diagnose me with a couple three fatal diseases, I decided to go to my doctor.  Well, actually nurse practitioner, but she's been my primary care med person for years, and I like her a lot.  

She said that since I was due for a colonoscopy (read, very very overdue, but one of the reasons I like her is that she doesn't scold me), I should have one, anyway.  And if it didn't show anything, then maybe an EGD (esophageogastroduodenoscopy).  Musing aloud, she said, "Of course, if they don't find anything, they'll want to do an EGD, but if they do find something, they are still probably going to want to do an EGD, so, I think, I'll refer you to have them both done.  Maybe they can do them at the same time."

So, near as I can tell, they are planning on sticking a tube down my throat, another one up my ass, and see if they can't meet in the middle.  It would be difficult to describe how very excited I am at the prospect.  At least I will be absolutely unconscious for the procedure.  Yay?

So, where is that option where I become a brain in a jar?  Because I need that, stat.  

Later today, I need to call my insurance company and make sure they will pay for all of this.  Gods, I hate medicine in the US.

Comments

[calimac]

And then they'll probably make you have somebody there to drive you home. Often with such procedures this person's presence is a prerequisite to do the procedure, because after anesthesia they don't want you unaccompanied.

[mount_oregano]

With practice, the prep gets a little easier -- or at least less of a surprise.

I hope you get good news.

[lydy]

Well, not so good news on the insurance front. At a quick guess, four to five grand out of pocket. Maybe more, if they decide that the colonoscopy is not routine screening, but actually looking for something. Which is just insane. The colonoscopy is cheaper if there's no reason to do it. I mean, what even.

I have a call in to my NP to see what can be done.

I

[bibliofile]

re: costs
Of course it's expensive and out-of-pocket. Fuckers.

re: nurse practitioners
I've had one as my PCP (primary care provider) for years, too. I <3 her.

[thewayne]

You need to make sure all _three_ parties are covered by insurance to minimize hassle: doctor performing procedure, anesthetist, and facility where it's being performed!

They tried doing an endoscopy on me (down the throat) under light anesthetic and couldn't get past my gag reflex, so it's full anesthetic for either for me. Fortunately I had both done at NIH last year, so that's been ticked off my card for a few years.

[hrj]

Is that the procedure where one of the new options is to swallow a micro-camera and download it when it comes out?

[lydy]

Nope. They're both physical tubes, inserted into the opposite ends of my GI tract. I dunno if the micro-camera is an option, or if it would be cheaper.

[kaffy_r]

Are you me?

Seriously, I have very unhappy memories of and reactions to getting a colonoscopy. The first time was fine. The second time, after scleroderma rendered portions of my colon less happy than they once were, was embarrassing to the point where my stress rendered the anesthesia incomplete. At that point they suggested real anesthetic for the next one. The next one was three years ago, and I didn't get the full anesthetic, and it was not successful for TMI reasons. My internist, who I saw last week during my annual physical, noted that I was supposed to get another one "three to five years" after the last one. I told her firmly that I'd go with five years. Two more years to figure out a way to avoid the whole fucking thing.

I've had the esophageogastrodudenoscopy. It was probably about 12-15 years ago, and it was no problem (weird to say, given my bad record with colonoscopies). Mind you, the anesthetic didn't work 100 percent, and I shocked the two doctors after I woke up, by telling them what their conversation was. Luckily, they hadn't said anything too embarrassing.

I just read your insurance update. I fucking hate what this country laughingly calls a medical system. I'll be here on the sidelines, cheering you on in what I hope will be a successful attempt to get the fuckers to cover the procedure.

[lydy]

If I hear one more Republican talk about how Americans like their health insurance, or how Americans need to have choice of doctors...well I won't really drive to Paul Ryan's house to punch him in the face, but I sure will think about it. My health care choices are largely "which of these three doctors that you have never met that are covered by the current plan would you like to see, oh, no, we won't tell you anything about them, that would be cheating" and "would you like to die without knowing what is killing you, or would you like to possibly bankrupt yourself to find out what you may or may not be dying of, and oh, no we can't actually tell you exactly how much this will cost. No one knows! Oh, and yes, I will read you the incomprehensible coverage document over the phone, but I will absolutely not explain what it means. Is this procedure covered? Why, let me read you the incomprehensible language again. No, I don't know what it means, either, they don't train me to understand it." Choice? How is any of this a choice?

[kaffy_r]

I love Warren's reply to the comment about people loving their health insurance; she simply tells the truth: I've never heard anyone say they love their health insurance.

Can I join you in your imaginary trip to Janesville to punch Ryan in the face?

I've long since decided that insurance companies hire their "customer service" reps (or have a third party hire them; more distancing and cover for them) on the basis of how little they are able to understand the information they're handed, and how much ire they will generate therefrom.