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lydySo, Christmas is over and no one is talking about Christmas movies anymore, so now is the perfect time to share my controversial take about "Love, Actually", right?
ANDREW LINCOLN'S CHARACTER, MARK, IS NOT A STALKER.
Because I'm That Girl, Imma gonna explain why.
So, the thing that is kind of weird and gross about Mark is that he, apparently, fell in love with Juliet (Keira Knightley) on sight, without really knowing her, and gets pretty obsessive about it.(I speak as someone who once fell really hard for a guy based on his Usenet posts, so maybe I shouldn't judge.) HOWEVER, this is a) the sort of thing that real people do, and b) is absolutely a goddamn romantic trope. Note the character's name: Juliet.
I mean, Romeo sees Juliet once, from across the room, and falls so hard that he forgets Rosaline completely, and gets everybody killed. Seriously, this whole falling in love on first sight thing is, like, a Thing in romance. So, in a normal romance, Mark would then spend all his time pursuing Juliet, to prove that she really loves him. He would violate her boundaries, stalk her, pursue her, and eventually persuade her to leave his best friend to be with him. It's a Thing!
What does Mark actually do, in "Love, Actually"? Yeah, not that. He keeps himself away from her. He actually manages to convince Juliet and all by-standers that he doesn't like her. He at no point pursues her, attempts to change her mind, or interfere with her choice.
THIS IS NOT STALKING! This is that other thing. The one where you notice that the woman of your dreams has her own agenda, and you step aside to let her pursue it.
He arranges a flash mob for the wedding which is 1) well received, and 2) foregrounds the couple, not himself. (This is one of the ways you know this is fiction, not real life.) He then goes on to take lots and lots of pictures of Juliet during the wedding and reception. Which, um, yes, could be seen as gross and obsessive. But it is also, quite honestly, harmless.
The pictures are not sexualized. They don't dwell on her cleavage, there aren't any ups-skirts. It happens in a context where lots of people are taking pictures. Taking pictures of a bride at a wedding reception is completely unexceptionable behavior. There is no point where he is behaving in a fashion that would cause any discomfort. I mean, yes, obsessive and weird. But he's keeping it to himself. I really feel that people are not giving Curtis credit, here, for subverting a very toxic romantic trope.
So then, THEN, Juliet goes to Mark's flat, uninvited and unannounced. To the flat of a man that she believes dislikes her, entirely for her own vanity. Because her wedding videographer made her look green. She ignores Mark's protestations. She violates his consent, takes his personal (if a bit creepy) property, and views his video without permission. And finds out a thing he has been, properly and kindly, been keeping a secret.
Look, this is all on Juliet. Mark has been the model of propriety, up until this point. I mean, I don't want to live inside his brain, it looks like a very uncomfortable and possibly skeevy place, but he has gone to great lengths to make sure it harms no one but himself.
Ok, so now Mark actually does have a problem. Juliet knows...something. She knows that he's obsessed with her. She's going to have some feelings about that, surely. I mean, I would if I were her. Mark, too, presumably has a lot of feelings about being outed.
Which leads us to the placard scene, which everyone argues is stalking. IT'S NOT STALKING! He isn't forcing his presence on her, prying out secret information, or attempting to cause intimidation. He's not, actually, trying to make Juliet do anything at all.
Mark needs, I think legitimately, to clear up the issue with Juliet. He needs to explain why he's been taking pictures, why he presents himself as disliking her, acknowledge that he's obsessed with her, and present a plan for the future. He's best friends with her husband! They are going to interact!
What he chooses is a method which leaves no traces for his friend to find. No letter, no email which can come back to haunt everyone. And yet, still, a venue which does not allow for conversation. A way to make clear declarative statements but not allow Juliet to talk. Why is that latter important? I think Mark has a very legitimate fear that if he tells Juliet how much he is in love with her, she will say or do something regrettable, if only out of pity, to try and make him feel less bad. Mark has spent a huge amount of time and energy protecting Juliet and Peter's liaison. Maybe because he loves Peter, maybe because he respects Juliet's choice, who knows? But he is really invested in their marriage.
Think how tempting it would be to lure Juliet. Think about how very badly a conversation could go. How hard it would be to go on being decent if she gave him even a scrap of encouragement. He's avoiding the very normal romantic trope: "You have chosen the wrong dude! I am the best dude! Come, be with me!" It happens a lot. So, he sets up a way of telling her what's going on with him that does not allow for stupidity on either side.
I mean, ok, Juliet does rush out into the snow to kiss him good-bye. But, again, that really is all on her. And, too, it strongly suggests he was _right_ to avoid having the conversation. He really did walk away. He really did tell her that he wants nothing from her. He told her he loved her, and then he walked away.
Once more, and with feeling, THIS IS NOT STALKING.
This was not an attempt to create or prolong a relationship. This was a break up letter. People keep on acting as if Mark was trying to win Juliet over. He was not. As break-ups go, it's not half-bad.
Now, all those other guys, who watched that scene, and didn't understand it, and pester girls with fucking placards, THEY ARE STALKING! Also, flash mobs are almost always a bad idea, and public production numbers for marriage proposals are skeevy as hell.
But Andrew Lincoln's character is actually a very interesting subversion of a very damaging romantic trope, and it frustrates the living daylights out of me that people see it as confirming that trope.
And with that, gentle readers, as Mark said, "Enough."
I promise, I really am done.
ANDREW LINCOLN'S CHARACTER, MARK, IS NOT A STALKER.
Because I'm That Girl, Imma gonna explain why.
So, the thing that is kind of weird and gross about Mark is that he, apparently, fell in love with Juliet (Keira Knightley) on sight, without really knowing her, and gets pretty obsessive about it.(I speak as someone who once fell really hard for a guy based on his Usenet posts, so maybe I shouldn't judge.) HOWEVER, this is a) the sort of thing that real people do, and b) is absolutely a goddamn romantic trope. Note the character's name: Juliet.
I mean, Romeo sees Juliet once, from across the room, and falls so hard that he forgets Rosaline completely, and gets everybody killed. Seriously, this whole falling in love on first sight thing is, like, a Thing in romance. So, in a normal romance, Mark would then spend all his time pursuing Juliet, to prove that she really loves him. He would violate her boundaries, stalk her, pursue her, and eventually persuade her to leave his best friend to be with him. It's a Thing!
What does Mark actually do, in "Love, Actually"? Yeah, not that. He keeps himself away from her. He actually manages to convince Juliet and all by-standers that he doesn't like her. He at no point pursues her, attempts to change her mind, or interfere with her choice.
THIS IS NOT STALKING! This is that other thing. The one where you notice that the woman of your dreams has her own agenda, and you step aside to let her pursue it.
He arranges a flash mob for the wedding which is 1) well received, and 2) foregrounds the couple, not himself. (This is one of the ways you know this is fiction, not real life.) He then goes on to take lots and lots of pictures of Juliet during the wedding and reception. Which, um, yes, could be seen as gross and obsessive. But it is also, quite honestly, harmless.
The pictures are not sexualized. They don't dwell on her cleavage, there aren't any ups-skirts. It happens in a context where lots of people are taking pictures. Taking pictures of a bride at a wedding reception is completely unexceptionable behavior. There is no point where he is behaving in a fashion that would cause any discomfort. I mean, yes, obsessive and weird. But he's keeping it to himself. I really feel that people are not giving Curtis credit, here, for subverting a very toxic romantic trope.
So then, THEN, Juliet goes to Mark's flat, uninvited and unannounced. To the flat of a man that she believes dislikes her, entirely for her own vanity. Because her wedding videographer made her look green. She ignores Mark's protestations. She violates his consent, takes his personal (if a bit creepy) property, and views his video without permission. And finds out a thing he has been, properly and kindly, been keeping a secret.
Look, this is all on Juliet. Mark has been the model of propriety, up until this point. I mean, I don't want to live inside his brain, it looks like a very uncomfortable and possibly skeevy place, but he has gone to great lengths to make sure it harms no one but himself.
Ok, so now Mark actually does have a problem. Juliet knows...something. She knows that he's obsessed with her. She's going to have some feelings about that, surely. I mean, I would if I were her. Mark, too, presumably has a lot of feelings about being outed.
Which leads us to the placard scene, which everyone argues is stalking. IT'S NOT STALKING! He isn't forcing his presence on her, prying out secret information, or attempting to cause intimidation. He's not, actually, trying to make Juliet do anything at all.
Mark needs, I think legitimately, to clear up the issue with Juliet. He needs to explain why he's been taking pictures, why he presents himself as disliking her, acknowledge that he's obsessed with her, and present a plan for the future. He's best friends with her husband! They are going to interact!
What he chooses is a method which leaves no traces for his friend to find. No letter, no email which can come back to haunt everyone. And yet, still, a venue which does not allow for conversation. A way to make clear declarative statements but not allow Juliet to talk. Why is that latter important? I think Mark has a very legitimate fear that if he tells Juliet how much he is in love with her, she will say or do something regrettable, if only out of pity, to try and make him feel less bad. Mark has spent a huge amount of time and energy protecting Juliet and Peter's liaison. Maybe because he loves Peter, maybe because he respects Juliet's choice, who knows? But he is really invested in their marriage.
Think how tempting it would be to lure Juliet. Think about how very badly a conversation could go. How hard it would be to go on being decent if she gave him even a scrap of encouragement. He's avoiding the very normal romantic trope: "You have chosen the wrong dude! I am the best dude! Come, be with me!" It happens a lot. So, he sets up a way of telling her what's going on with him that does not allow for stupidity on either side.
I mean, ok, Juliet does rush out into the snow to kiss him good-bye. But, again, that really is all on her. And, too, it strongly suggests he was _right_ to avoid having the conversation. He really did walk away. He really did tell her that he wants nothing from her. He told her he loved her, and then he walked away.
Once more, and with feeling, THIS IS NOT STALKING.
This was not an attempt to create or prolong a relationship. This was a break up letter. People keep on acting as if Mark was trying to win Juliet over. He was not. As break-ups go, it's not half-bad.
Now, all those other guys, who watched that scene, and didn't understand it, and pester girls with fucking placards, THEY ARE STALKING! Also, flash mobs are almost always a bad idea, and public production numbers for marriage proposals are skeevy as hell.
But Andrew Lincoln's character is actually a very interesting subversion of a very damaging romantic trope, and it frustrates the living daylights out of me that people see it as confirming that trope.
And with that, gentle readers, as Mark said, "Enough."
I promise, I really am done.
no subject
Date: 2020-01-21 06:23 pm (UTC)If that's not how this movie ends, it probably should be. Works for me.
no subject
Date: 2020-01-23 03:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-01-26 03:45 am (UTC)#1 would have to be "Every Breath You Take" is a love song.
(In high school I saw a stage performance of scenes from ROMEO AND JULIET as a comedy, with Romeo as a lovesick idiot and everything slapsticked to heck and back; the presenter pointed out that the play can't be a tragedy, because the titular characters aren't great figures, and the play ends with a restoration of the peace between the warring families of Genoa, an ending appropriate to a comedy, not a tragedy. I think he mostly just wanted to do a piss-take on the balcony scene, but it was still an interesting examination of genre expectations.)
no subject
Date: 2020-01-26 08:54 pm (UTC)"Every Breath You Take" as a wedding song creeps me the fuck out. Not as badly as people exchanging replicas of the One Ring, but pretty goddamn close.
My graduating high school class insisted on choosing "Time in a Bottle" for their theme song, which I thought was spectacularly stupid. The argument was something something time something nostalgia something who cares that it's a love song something something. I...was not well-liked nor did I like most of them, so that was all fine. And then my boyfriend spent all the money his mother gave him on war games and informed me that because of this purchase he could not take me to the prom...which actually would have been fine if he'd said so first. I was not interested in going to the prom. But damn, boy. "Oh, by the way, I just spent $100 on these games, you do know that means I can't take you to the prom" is maybe not the best way to say it? (At the time, 1980, $100 was an unimaginable amount of money, to me.)
I agree there should be a Wikipedia article. About misunderstood art, not my high school boyfriend.
no subject
Date: 2020-01-27 03:26 am (UTC)$100 on wargames or a date with you? Man oh man talk about bad life choices.
no subject
Date: 2020-01-27 11:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-01-22 06:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-01-23 03:18 pm (UTC)