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lydyI just want to start by saying that this shit did not used to bother me. It only started bothering me after the Kavanagh hearings, when I found myself forced to confront my personal history with sexual violence. Denial got me a good 40 years, but then that strategy ran out. And I really, really resent that. If the world had cooperated, I could have gone with that as a perfectly functional strategy for forever. The world is really not very cooperative, though.
David and I have been watching a British crime show called "Silent Witness" which is basically CSI for Brits. It started out very, very good indeed. But as time has gone on, it started falling prey to one after another of the terrible, stupid things that crime shows do. At this point in the series, forensic pathologists are routinely acting as detectives, the conflict between theory and provable fact has been largely washed away, they are screwing around with POV in lazy ways, and the main characters keep on having really, really stupid romantic adventures. But, well, we've been watching partly out of habit, and partly because, now and again, they do something really neat.
The season ender for this season starts with scenes of a man grooming a teenager for sex trafficking. I am...not enjoying that very much. It is extremely prurient, very male-gaze. And then there's the rape of a teenager, and I look away from the screen. It's not...technically graphic, I suppose. But it's upsetting. Then there's some other stuff, and then there's another rape of the same girl, and I walk out of the room. And then there's another one, and it's clear that they show is working to depict one of the heavies in the trafficking ring as sympathetic because he feels bad for the girl, and I turn off the television. I mean, I would like to know if the main characters get back into a relationship, but I just really can't hang.
And then, I am exhausted, but I cannot sleep and spend hours and hours and hours playing phone games. I know I'm dissociated. That's what my brain does when it is stressed And, well, there's not a lot to be done. If I had someplace I had to be, I could have taken sleeping pill, but I didn't so I didn't. I went to sleep around seven in the morning, woke up around five this evening. I am still a bit out of sorts, having trouble concentrating, having trouble focusing. Thing is, the only way out is through. Try to not get upset about being upset. .
All of which is to say, goddamn Kavanaugh and goddamn Trump and goddamn the Senate. And this has nothing to do with the Plague, but goddamn them, anyway. I don't have enough life that I can afford people like that stealing bits, and yet, here I am.
David and I have been watching a British crime show called "Silent Witness" which is basically CSI for Brits. It started out very, very good indeed. But as time has gone on, it started falling prey to one after another of the terrible, stupid things that crime shows do. At this point in the series, forensic pathologists are routinely acting as detectives, the conflict between theory and provable fact has been largely washed away, they are screwing around with POV in lazy ways, and the main characters keep on having really, really stupid romantic adventures. But, well, we've been watching partly out of habit, and partly because, now and again, they do something really neat.
The season ender for this season starts with scenes of a man grooming a teenager for sex trafficking. I am...not enjoying that very much. It is extremely prurient, very male-gaze. And then there's the rape of a teenager, and I look away from the screen. It's not...technically graphic, I suppose. But it's upsetting. Then there's some other stuff, and then there's another rape of the same girl, and I walk out of the room. And then there's another one, and it's clear that they show is working to depict one of the heavies in the trafficking ring as sympathetic because he feels bad for the girl, and I turn off the television. I mean, I would like to know if the main characters get back into a relationship, but I just really can't hang.
And then, I am exhausted, but I cannot sleep and spend hours and hours and hours playing phone games. I know I'm dissociated. That's what my brain does when it is stressed And, well, there's not a lot to be done. If I had someplace I had to be, I could have taken sleeping pill, but I didn't so I didn't. I went to sleep around seven in the morning, woke up around five this evening. I am still a bit out of sorts, having trouble concentrating, having trouble focusing. Thing is, the only way out is through. Try to not get upset about being upset. .
All of which is to say, goddamn Kavanaugh and goddamn Trump and goddamn the Senate. And this has nothing to do with the Plague, but goddamn them, anyway. I don't have enough life that I can afford people like that stealing bits, and yet, here I am.
no subject
Date: 2020-04-18 06:50 pm (UTC)doesn't mean a thing if he doesn't stop.
sigh
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