I'm much better now, I think I'll go for a walk

[lydy]

Thanks to everyone who sent "feel better" messages, and thank you to those who just thought kindly on me.

I still haven't adjusted to using LJ to update my friends on my life, and I'm not used to threads dying quite so fast as they do. This caused me to fail in letting anyone who cares know that I'm Doing Great.

It was the most sudden transition I've ever made. I was over at carbonel's house, doing the boring part of her afghan, and just suddenly crashed. Went home, cried all over DDB, etc. But I was feeling better by morning, and the next day I felt almost as good as I have this past month. Not only is the crash faster than I've ever experienced, and not nearly as horrible as usual -- especially when paying this high a bill. It is also the fastest rebound I've ever had, and back to a state considerably better than my "usual" state.

You know, I've been remembering (now that it's kind of safe to do so), and I don't think I've felt this good (minus being on LSD) since I was eleven. I think that the onset of menarche just fucked me up, and the family helped seal the capstone (does one seal capstones)?

Thank you so much for your good wishes, and I'm very sorry I didn't get back to you.

May whatever deities there are, or are not, give blessings to my friends, (assuming that this request will not upset those deities, in which case I withdraw this request) if the benefits given by said blessings will gladden, or at least not make worse, the lives of those friends upon whom I desire that this blessing should befall (assuming that said person's faith or lack of faith would not proscribe such a blessing, in which case I withdraw this request, unless the request to withdraw my humble request cause any harm to happen to said friend.) Thank you, deities that are, or are not (assuming that such thanks will not offend such any who are listening, or other entities who are not listening but still might still be offended, in which case, I withdraw my thanks) for hearing my prayer.

Comments

[marykaykare.livejournal.com]

You are a very silly person. And I'm so glad you're feeling better. I hadn't thought about menarche being a trigger but it makes sense as right now I'm doing the other end and it's doing a number on my emotional stability.

MKK

[wild-irises.livejournal.com]

This is great news! I thought I would drop in to say that I have been thinking kindly on you, over years, and months, and days.

[marsgov.livejournal.com]

(a) If the average mood continues to climb — that is, shallower lows — then consider that an improvement.

(b) Reading from the book of Mr. Zelazney, are we? Or are we simply blessed with a good memory?

[papersky.livejournal.com]

I'm really glad you're feeling good, but (rain, parade) would it be bad to mention the word "manic" crossing my mind in the context of this post?

[fgherman.livejournal.com]

I'm glad to hear that you are doing better. I'd be happy to get together for coffee & scones.

[galacticvoyeur.livejournal.com]

Tigers just want to have fun:

http://www.guzer.com/pictures/tigers_tub.php

[mom23cats.livejournal.com]

feeling better is a good thing. send some this way

[lydy.livejournal.com]

That is, always, the fear. It's hard for me to tell if I'm manic, because mania, for me, largely consists of being able to do normal things like clean up a room now and again. Oh, and a cheerful frame of mind. The only time I feel like a normal human being (and don't even get into it with the "well, who's really normal schtick) is when I'm manic.

The differences this time are notable, and possibly hopeful. I spent a full three weeks feeling good. That's longer than any manic phase I've ever had. The crash was bad, but it wasn't even close to being commensurate with the good. Normally, a crash worse and longer based on the length and height of the high. A day of misery and crying is nothing in the scale of things.

And I'm afraid of having it go away, always always always. That part makes me cry. Am I Moses looking at the promised land?

I see my shrink later today. We shall see what we shall see. Cross your fingers for me.

[lydy.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I will treasure that pic.

Don't forget, Tigers and Beer at Mnstf All Year.

Manic, or not?

[markiv1111.livejournal.com]

I think trying to "diagnose" away a good time is really counterproductive. Feeling good is worth it for its own sake, and if the lows you have in the same general time period don't remotely cancel out the good (and it sounds as though they don't) then you have a strong net benefit. I had an episode that my psychiatrist called "hypomanic" about ten years ago, where I was sleeping a little less (but still some), not hitchhiking to Chicago at midnight, not writing bad checks, but just feeling on top of the world. I never quite got back down to where I'd been before being hypomanic, and the results included my dramatically upping my hours at work, from about 20 to more like 30 (and earning what a lot of people get by working 40 hours). I will never be sorry this episode happened, and here's hoping you do equally well.

Nate

[kip-w.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you're doing better now. I was afraid at first you were talking about leaving LJ, and I selfishly wanted that not to be the case. Anyway, improvement is good, and yay.

Re: Manic, or not?

[lydy.livejournal.com]

I never regret the highs. I sometimes regret things I've done while I was manic, usually weird things I've bought with money I don't have, but the actual feel good feels, well, good. I do try to tether myself a bit, though, because I don't want to be like many manic depressives, who stop taking their drugs while they're flying. Flying high means a crash (at least, so far), so remembering that I'm going to need my drugs later is important.

Mostly, I'm just marveling at the entire weirdness that is my brain. I've been observing it closely for a long time, and find changes to be illuminating. Or not, as the case may be. But certainly different.

[lydy.livejournal.com]

It was a Monty Python reference. Guy with the plague not particularly wanting to be put on the cart to be hauled away with the other bodies. One of my favorite bits of The Holy Grail.