I'm much better now, I think I'll go for a walk

[lydy]

Thanks to everyone who sent "feel better" messages, and thank you to those who just thought kindly on me.

I still haven't adjusted to using LJ to update my friends on my life, and I'm not used to threads dying quite so fast as they do. This caused me to fail in letting anyone who cares know that I'm Doing Great.

It was the most sudden transition I've ever made. I was over at carbonel's house, doing the boring part of her afghan, and just suddenly crashed. Went home, cried all over DDB, etc. But I was feeling better by morning, and the next day I felt almost as good as I have this past month. Not only is the crash faster than I've ever experienced, and not nearly as horrible as usual -- especially when paying this high a bill. It is also the fastest rebound I've ever had, and back to a state considerably better than my "usual" state.

You know, I've been remembering (now that it's kind of safe to do so), and I don't think I've felt this good (minus being on LSD) since I was eleven. I think that the onset of menarche just fucked me up, and the family helped seal the capstone (does one seal capstones)?

Thank you so much for your good wishes, and I'm very sorry I didn't get back to you.

May whatever deities there are, or are not, give blessings to my friends, (assuming that this request will not upset those deities, in which case I withdraw this request) if the benefits given by said blessings will gladden, or at least not make worse, the lives of those friends upon whom I desire that this blessing should befall (assuming that said person's faith or lack of faith would not proscribe such a blessing, in which case I withdraw this request, unless the request to withdraw my humble request cause any harm to happen to said friend.) Thank you, deities that are, or are not (assuming that such thanks will not offend such any who are listening, or other entities who are not listening but still might still be offended, in which case, I withdraw my thanks) for hearing my prayer.

Comments

[lydy.livejournal.com]

That is, always, the fear. It's hard for me to tell if I'm manic, because mania, for me, largely consists of being able to do normal things like clean up a room now and again. Oh, and a cheerful frame of mind. The only time I feel like a normal human being (and don't even get into it with the "well, who's really normal schtick) is when I'm manic.

The differences this time are notable, and possibly hopeful. I spent a full three weeks feeling good. That's longer than any manic phase I've ever had. The crash was bad, but it wasn't even close to being commensurate with the good. Normally, a crash worse and longer based on the length and height of the high. A day of misery and crying is nothing in the scale of things.

And I'm afraid of having it go away, always always always. That part makes me cry. Am I Moses looking at the promised land?

I see my shrink later today. We shall see what we shall see. Cross your fingers for me.