I've been wrong about my nephew's family

[lydy]

I've written a bit about my nephew who is in jail. My assumption, incorrect, was that his fammily largely abaondoned him. This is not the case. They visit and write to him and are aware of his religious position. It is much more positive than I assumed. I should not have taken silence to mean disinterest. My sister has never been willing to discuss her kids with me, partly because I've always assumed the worst. I've been written a very sharp note by my sister, as you might guess. So to set the record straight, my nephew is getting lots of support from home. I shot off my mouth.

In other news, I'm having a panic attack about school. It started with a speech I still have to give. I thought I had to give it last Thursday, and was not ready for it. I was so nervous on Thursday that I threw up -- a new thing for me. I've never been that nervous before. As it turned out, I was able to delay it to this coming Thursday. But I've been in a state of raw panic since then. I don't feel like I can manage the rest of this course. I don't think I'll be able to pass the finals in the two courses. I have a knot in my stomach all the time.

I'm not doing well. Things will go better. They always do. But at the moment, things are not so good.

Comments

[guppiecat]

Might I inquire as to what exactly is bothering you about the speech?

(I have many ideas that may help, but I need some more information to know which way to go... or if you are even desirous of suggestions.)

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

From my own experience recently, I advise, "practice, practice, practice." Then practice some more. If you want a test audience, ping me. I am happy to.

K.

[eileenlufkin.livejournal.com]

I could take you to lunch on Wednesday and listen to your speech, if you want?

[lydy.livejournal.com]

I don't rightly know what's bothering me so much. Partly a fear of speaking in public. But a lot of it was just writing the thing. It's written now, I just need to practice it so I can give it with some fluidity. This is not a rational set of fears. It feels like medication gone out of control. I recently stopped taking Trazadone, so it may have something to do with that. I appreciate the possibility of suggestions, but this isn't amenable to help. It's just a thing I have to get through.

[lydy.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much. I do need to practice. I'll keep your offer in mind.

[lydy.livejournal.com]

I'm too befuddleed to make plans. I'm afraid to practice, does that make sense? No, it does not. I appreciate the offer.

[buttonlass.livejournal.com]

I sympathize. School, before we realized I needed meds, upset me this way too. I would get too upset to function and have to leave during things like tests. I'm sorry you seem to be suffering from that form of suck. Hopefully it'll improve when the medications balance out or whatever it is they need to do.

Can your school make any accommodations for your problems? Some places are better than others about helping you through the rough patches. At MCTC I was allowed to test in a private space and given extra time so I could freak out and come back, but it was only because I told them I had ADD not because I was going crazy else wise.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

It doesn't make sense in that you can't write out step a and step b and therefore any rational person would have the same reaction.

But it makes emotional sense to me. You can't be that scared of something without having the scared spill over on things related to it.

I hope getting through it goes as well as possible.

[dd-b.livejournal.com]

Sounds like you've come down allergic to anything having to do with the speech. Monkeys do that kind of thing, according to my reading, so I guess it's not surprising.

It's just not *sane*.

Practicing is a good idea, and this speech is one most of your friends could actually understand without a lot of preparation, so it's an easy one to find people to practice on.

Some ideas

[guppiecat]

Fears do not have to be rational, nor must they be addressed that way. Some (like me) can logic their way (mostly) out of the crazy, but I am well aware that that doesn't work for everyone. The following (somewhat) logical awarenesses help me (no order):

* Fear often causes inaction. When you're being hunted by a tiger, this is a good strategy. However, some things, particularly social stressors, are made worse by inaction. In such cases, action... often any action at all... is beneficial. The action is best if it's related, but it doesn't have to be.

* Clearly (logically), practicing the speech is the best course of action, but if that's not possible (the boundary-barrier seems too large), unrelated actions can help. Hiking works for me. Other semi-physical activities can also work such as biking, walking, swimming, cooking, swordfighting, etc.

* If you're doing a semi-physical activity (such as hiking), and your brain is not fully occupied, you could fill it with a half-activity. Such things can involve organizing notes or thinking up good phrases to put into a speech. Perhaps even the sort of speech that you might be subconsciously thinking about anyway.

* The first attempt at practicing a speech never counts. This is because practicing (like C and Perl) indexes as zero. Thus, it doesn't matter how well or poorly you do at it, 'cause it doesn't matter. That's a law of the universe, and there's no point in arguing with it.

* There are, generally, two types of speeches. The ones that people attend voluntarily and the ones that they don't. In the former case, the public speaking bit is easy, 'cause they came to see you and they want you to succeed. In the second case, the public speaking bit is ALSO easy, because the audience doesn't really care, so there's very little judgment. I suspect that your speech may fall into the latter category, in which case, the only person doing judging is your professor/teacher.

* Unless a professor/teacher is trained in public speaking and have taught such techniques in class, they won't even know what to look for to judge a speech... so they'll be looking for content, not delivery skills. Since the thing is written, the content is done. Therefore, there is nothing to worry about.

* If you're like me, a part of your brain hates you. This is the part that wants you to fail and constantly whispers in the background, feeding the fears and raising the barrier to action. This part of the brain should get just as much consideration as it gives you... otherwise you're in an abusive relationship with yourself.

* If you can't get the mean brain to shut up and you can't ignore it, you might be able to drown it out. I find that singing the sea otter song can help. If it doesn't work, sing it louder. (There are, of course, other songs... but this one was specifically written to help drown out mean/crazy brain, and it works for me.)

* If people are too scary to practice speeches on, stuffed animals work surprisingly well. (They are also helpful in solving Physics problem sets, in case you ever need to do that.)

* TV doesn't help (me, at least), sad to say. It always seems like it will, and it never does. It's an evil lying box and should be unplugged when it starts whispering things about how relaxing for "just an hour" will make everything so much easier.

* Websites like kitten break and webcomics are related to the TV, and are evil lying bastards. Video games are too, even the ones that seem to be all safe and fun and don't have graphics. As you play them, they sit behind the monitor and snicker at all the time that goes by. They should be deleted with extreme prejudice.

* Clocks are evil when they remind you of deadlines, but can be most remarkable when it comes to preventing break-time from slipping away. Limiting breaks to 10 minutes and enforcing them with timers can be quite effective. This whole "linear time" thing we do is stupid and only serves to leak time away. The clock should serve you, not the other way around. In short, clocks should only count up when you're down and should only count down when you're up.

I know that we're different people, but hopefully this is of some help.

thank you

[(Anonymous)]

Yep, I'm the sister and I want to thank my big sister for posting a retraction about my family and her kind words.

Also, I'm sorry about the issues with school. I know that you are so capable and talented and I wish that you could see that as well as everybody else does. No need for nerves, but of course, you probably know that which then helps feed more anxiety. sorry. but I am sending positive vibes your way and hope that the speech goes well. will be watching to see if you post about it later.

love ya