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lydyI am, even as we speak, killing my fish, Jasper.
He's a blood parrot, at least 8 years old. Which means he's reached his freshness date. As happened with his cage-mate, Julian, he's started being upside down a lot. I am not going to the heroic measures I went through with Julian. Julian didn't seem to appreciate them, though really, how can you tell with a fish? Basically, Jasper is upside down 100% of the time now. This probably means that his swim-bladder has experienced a malfunction. Blood parrots are a weird, unnatural hybrid, and prone to problems with their swim bladders. For a week or so, he's been largely upside down, but able to right himself for food. Last two days, he's been clearly unable to do that. He's tried, very hard, but is unable to right himself. Often, unable to move very much at all. He's also acquired unnatural discoloration at the gills and elsewhere. I start work tomorrow night, and it seemed cruel to make him live these next three days like that.
So, the approved form of fish euthanasia is to put them in a bucket with a lot of clove oil. Clove oil is an anaesthetic. In sufficient quantities, it kills. The advice is to leave them in a bucket with sufficient clove oil for several hours, and then just to be sure, sever the spinal cord. It can be extremely difficult to tell if the fish is actually dead, and you don't really want your last act of mercy to end up being the fish coming to in the ground. Not that I'd know.... At any rate, I really, honestly, cannot manage to do the thing with the knife. I am a coward and and a fool, and I should really be able to shoot my own dog, but I really, honestly can't. With Julian, I had my friend Beth come over. She used to be a nurse, and she did the coup de grace for me. At the suggestion of Josh, this time, I'm going to anaesthetize the hell out of him, probably kill him, but then put the (probable) dead body in the freezer. Several days of freezing and he will be, sure as shit, totally dead. He's a cold-blooded creature, so he will never wake up. Even if he isn't dead when I put him in the freezer, he will just stop. It shouldn't hurt at all.
Still and all, I've been crying. When I put him in the bucket, he started thrashing around, and managed to right himself briefly. Which brought on doubts and stuff. But I still believe this is the kind and proper thing to do. So I've administered a whole shit-load of clove oil and, well, left the room. If he were a mammal, I'd stay. But you know, he doesn't know me, doesn't like me, has no emotional attachment to me, and doesn't care if I stay or not. So, I've fled.
Mostly, when fish die, they just do it and you don't have to worry about it. The really little ones often get eaten by the bigger ones before you even notice it. But Jasper was almost 10" long. He wasn't a very nice fish, he used to bite me when I tried to clean his cage. He had a certain amount of personality. Not, necessarily, a good one. But then, you know, he was a fish. Really, any personality at all is kind of an accomplishment. And I've had him for years and years. I've gotten kind of fond of him, even if he wasn't fond of me. I'll miss him.
So, in an hour or so, I'll check and see how he's doing. Some people advocate adding some vodka to the clove oil mix, to help it dissolve into the water. Other people say that the vodka is painful to the fish. Me, I have no fucking clue. I'm trying just the clove oil for now. If, in an hour, he's still moving about, maybe I'll add a little vodka. Gods above, I hate this.
He's a blood parrot, at least 8 years old. Which means he's reached his freshness date. As happened with his cage-mate, Julian, he's started being upside down a lot. I am not going to the heroic measures I went through with Julian. Julian didn't seem to appreciate them, though really, how can you tell with a fish? Basically, Jasper is upside down 100% of the time now. This probably means that his swim-bladder has experienced a malfunction. Blood parrots are a weird, unnatural hybrid, and prone to problems with their swim bladders. For a week or so, he's been largely upside down, but able to right himself for food. Last two days, he's been clearly unable to do that. He's tried, very hard, but is unable to right himself. Often, unable to move very much at all. He's also acquired unnatural discoloration at the gills and elsewhere. I start work tomorrow night, and it seemed cruel to make him live these next three days like that.
So, the approved form of fish euthanasia is to put them in a bucket with a lot of clove oil. Clove oil is an anaesthetic. In sufficient quantities, it kills. The advice is to leave them in a bucket with sufficient clove oil for several hours, and then just to be sure, sever the spinal cord. It can be extremely difficult to tell if the fish is actually dead, and you don't really want your last act of mercy to end up being the fish coming to in the ground. Not that I'd know.... At any rate, I really, honestly, cannot manage to do the thing with the knife. I am a coward and and a fool, and I should really be able to shoot my own dog, but I really, honestly can't. With Julian, I had my friend Beth come over. She used to be a nurse, and she did the coup de grace for me. At the suggestion of Josh, this time, I'm going to anaesthetize the hell out of him, probably kill him, but then put the (probable) dead body in the freezer. Several days of freezing and he will be, sure as shit, totally dead. He's a cold-blooded creature, so he will never wake up. Even if he isn't dead when I put him in the freezer, he will just stop. It shouldn't hurt at all.
Still and all, I've been crying. When I put him in the bucket, he started thrashing around, and managed to right himself briefly. Which brought on doubts and stuff. But I still believe this is the kind and proper thing to do. So I've administered a whole shit-load of clove oil and, well, left the room. If he were a mammal, I'd stay. But you know, he doesn't know me, doesn't like me, has no emotional attachment to me, and doesn't care if I stay or not. So, I've fled.
Mostly, when fish die, they just do it and you don't have to worry about it. The really little ones often get eaten by the bigger ones before you even notice it. But Jasper was almost 10" long. He wasn't a very nice fish, he used to bite me when I tried to clean his cage. He had a certain amount of personality. Not, necessarily, a good one. But then, you know, he was a fish. Really, any personality at all is kind of an accomplishment. And I've had him for years and years. I've gotten kind of fond of him, even if he wasn't fond of me. I'll miss him.
So, in an hour or so, I'll check and see how he's doing. Some people advocate adding some vodka to the clove oil mix, to help it dissolve into the water. Other people say that the vodka is painful to the fish. Me, I have no fucking clue. I'm trying just the clove oil for now. If, in an hour, he's still moving about, maybe I'll add a little vodka. Gods above, I hate this.
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Date: 2012-11-18 08:01 am (UTC)