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lydyTwo bad things happened to me on Thursday. The first was a car crash. I tried to take a left hand turn against oncoming traffic that I did not see. I smushed the car kinda good, and the airbags popped out. I may have totalled the car. I did a really bad number on the other guy's car. His entire front end got shattered, and there were fluids leaking. No one got hurt, which is a blessing. This is bad on a number of fronts. Just killing the car is bad enough, but David had gone to a certain amount of trouble so that we would be a two car family so that I could get to clinicals next semester. They're unlikely to be busable. Now we may be a one car family again. This also affects Pamela and Eric, who use the car for errands and to go on hikes and so on. It's a really big deal. I've never wanted to take something back so much in my life.
The second bad thing was that I flunked clinicals. I've been misplacing electrodes. I am no good at talking to the patient. I really question whether I can do this job or not. I'm to stay on evenings, instead of going to nights, and try harder. I've been having trouble finding the inion, which is where the skull bumps out, not the notch where the spinal cord goes in. I've also had a certain amount of trouble marking my measurements correctly. I used to be good at this. I don't know what's wrong.
So, I'm pretty disconsolate.
The second bad thing was that I flunked clinicals. I've been misplacing electrodes. I am no good at talking to the patient. I really question whether I can do this job or not. I'm to stay on evenings, instead of going to nights, and try harder. I've been having trouble finding the inion, which is where the skull bumps out, not the notch where the spinal cord goes in. I've also had a certain amount of trouble marking my measurements correctly. I used to be good at this. I don't know what's wrong.
So, I'm pretty disconsolate.
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Date: 2009-11-22 03:11 am (UTC)I think of so many times when I've caught myself after a moment of inattentive driving and felt so glad that there just happened to be no [ oncoming traffic / pedestrian in that crosswalk / etc ]. It's human for you to feel ghastly now, but I hope that time and people's support ultimately bring you some perspective that cut the "fault" down to a more realistic size.
I also hope you can bring yourself to keep plugging at the clinicals. There may be aspects of it where you are one of the slow learners, but when you finally get it you can be as good as the rest. I'm a very slow kinetic learner, and although dancing is trivial by comparison to what you're learning, it may be similar. When I learned to Morris dance, I was still struggling when the others had been competent for many weeks. It took me lots of further practice (more than the instructors had allowed for), but in the end I got to the same level as the others. Then I was proud of both the learning and the perseverence.