I hate one-sided conversations

[lydy]

I don't particularly like being yelled at, either. But, you know, into every life a little yelling must fall. What I have very little tolerance for is being hectored and being unable to respond. I put up with as a child because, you know, child. And at work, of course, one allows one's boss to yell at one, and if one is smart one normally just listens. But in personal relationships? Even strange, crazy, toxic ones? My toloerance for it is less and less as time goes by.

So, you know, I got this as a LJ message from Louie:

markiv1111 (from 75.72.194.152)

September 26 2013, 01:00:27 Local Edited: September 26 2013, 01:19:15 Local link Collapse Delete Freeze Screen Track Edit
Lydy responded to a post I had made ;my very first ever post in LJ back in August or early Sept. 2012. when it was all the rage to harass me for posting there, even though Nate had given me his express permission. Her post began:

" You know, Louie, every time I try to like you, even a little bit, you post something like this, and I get mad all over again."

It was my first ever LJ post, I think, , and both that fact plus the bizarre concept of 'trying to like' somebody made her stand out as a person who doesn't consider her choice of words before she publishes them here. Trying to get along, I can see, but liking comes from affinity, and that should be effortless and natural.

I can guaran-damn-tee you that she is not making herself any easier for me to like, and I did consider getting to know her better just because Nate seems to care to about her. Her sententious ramblings and detailed analysis of my behavior at the MinnStf meeting on last Sat. was so patronizing, so uncalled for, and so inaccurate that I found it laughable at first. But the implications that she is willing to get this kind of picky icky detail at a time when things are so utterly difficult already blows my mind.

I have had more than enough from her. She will be banned soon. Either that or I will decide that the signal to noise ratio is all wrong and just stop reading and posting completely.

have done nothing wrong; I was a model of good behavior, and I get this crap from her? Just because she can, and I find that hateful. My beef about Nate's behavior at the meeting was a legitimate one, between Nate and I, and she should keep her snout out of it, as she was part of the problem, not a neutral observer.

****

I would respond to her in the same fashion, except that she's blocked me. Which, you know, is fine. It's just that I don't particularly like being in a position where I can't respond if I want to.

While I have many different thoughts about this latest oddness, here are my top two:

1) This might be mildly concerning if I thought that she had sent it to someone whose good opinion I value. However, as far as I know, we don't have any mutual friends left. So, kinda not worried.

2) If she thinks that what I posted about the Mnstf meeting was a detailed analysis, she understands neither the word detailed nor the word analysis.

Comments

[pameladean]

It's very annoying indeed, but you don't really have a personal relationship with Louie, because she has no idea who you are. She has made up a bunch of stuff and is trying to have a fight with that.

P.

[pnh.livejournal.com]

Yes exactly.

[markiv1111.livejournal.com]

Sure., Pamela, just keep telling your self that. I am pathologically honest; it's a pitiful state to live with, but there you go. You could have told me about his first marriage and the violence, being one of a few people to know the truth. It's you who have lied by omission.

One of your specialities. I think. I'd have never moved in with, much less married him if I knew about that. Thanks bunches, girlie girl..

[pameladean]

I have no idea what you're talking about. I say this for the record, since I don't expect you to believe me any more than you believed anything I said when we were corresponding privately.

P.

[markiv1111.livejournal.com]

Nate has always put forward the lie that, while his first marriage decades ago included violent behavior, he made a point at declaring that his former wife was the first to strike out at him. I've heard the truth, and it was delivered with a smirk and the sense that he was pleased to recall how it felt to hit her because she wouldn't talk to him after being verbally assaulted mercilessly by Nate and the other male members of the band.

Then he told me that he and the guys stood around, them saying things like, "What took you so long? Right on!! She got what she deserved."

Nate told me that you were one of two people who were told the truth years ago. If that's not true, well, there's another lie from Nate.

[dd-b.livejournal.com]

Whenever I've been in a position to observe something directly, and then seen (or heard) you and Nate talk about it, his version is always quite reality-based. Yours is sometimes, especially in the last year or so, wildly variant from the reality other people present observed.

So, when dealing with conflicts between your reports and Nate's, I'm generally going to favor his.

One of the good things about your having come to various Minn-StF events in the last few months is that now most of us have had a chance to see this first-hand.

[markiv1111.livejournal.com]

You live in such a haze of egotistic and ingrown upside down self-deception that you wouldn't know the truth if it came up behind you and tattooed itself on your foolish false face. You might get it after reading it a hundred times, but I doubt it.

[markiv1111.livejournal.com]

You are just bitter because I rejected your advances decades ago. Sad little fanboy.

[dd-b.livejournal.com]

Now that one is downright hilarious! Never tempted, sorry.

[markiv1111.livejournal.com]

Oh, right, that wasn't you because it had a different face. Men who put their hands on me, especially from behind, as an introduction used to get their chimes rung pronto.

So,, since you didn't see my face, I suppose your laughter is totally justifiable. You didn't even know who you were accosting, you just did it because you could.

Yuck.

[dd-b.livejournal.com]

You've been living in your rich interior fantasy world a lot longer than I had realized!

[mle292.livejournal.com]

. I'd have never moved in with, much less married him if I knew about that.

From this, and from your other description of abusive behaviour, I infer that you don't want to be married to him, now or ever again, and you don't want to live with him, now or ever again.

Though it's always difficult to end any relationship, I suspect that you must be a bit relieved to have permanently ended such an unhappy relationship for you.

I think that your relationship with Nate is also stressful and unhappy for the community that you, Nate and I are a part of. I think it's best for everyone that it's over.

[markiv1111.livejournal.com]

My relationship with Nate was wonderful for the first eight years or so. The last five years have been a slow decline of his mental and emotional stability, along with cancer, unemployment (for Nate), then disability from mental illness. I've been treated less and less like a loved one and more and more as if I were the source of his problems. then he was also diagnosed with dementia, which has thrown everything about our home life into free fall when he forgets where he is or when he looks at me like he doesn't know who I am or why I'm there in front. of him.

The worst was Aug.11, when he thought I was attacking him and thus the beating that he thinks I gave him, not the beating he gave me..

He is a wonderful man with so many good qualities, and probably will do better away from all the responsibilities and complexities of being a homeowner and husband. I love him so much, but he's not safe to be with any more. I wish I could reach out to him, put my arms around him, tell him I love him....but I don't dare. I'm not strong enough right now to see him at all without falling to pieces.

I'm not sure who you are, by the way, but I'm glad to find someone in Nate's friends list who is willing to be civil and ask intelligent questions.

Yes, there is relief, but there is also grieving a man I loved and gave myself to completely. He there is some of the time, and then he's not. It's too much for me. I've been jerked around by the locals who think they know what happened within these walls; I could do without that, but I won't bend my conscience to the point of hating them. I think it's all just sad, at the very best.

[markiv1111.livejournal.com]

Why do you draw these conclusions? You don'; know me, I don't know you.

[cakmpls.livejournal.com]

Louie, either you are not pathologically honest or your own memory is faulty. Those are the only two possible explanations for why you included me--in an LJ post--as one of the people involved in the August 2012 incident, an incident that I knew nothing about until after you asked me to meet with you, to hear your side.

[markiv1111.livejournal.com]

You are irrelevant, Carol.

James just told me you used to be a Scientologist, and I had to thank him, but first I laughed, and laughed, and laughed.

[cakmpls.livejournal.com]

This is probably the weirdest untrue thing anyone has ever said about me. Not to mention the fact that James doesn't know me; we have said "hello," perhaps, at Minn-Stf meetings, nothing more.

[markiv1111.livejournal.com]

No, every word has been, with the exception of typos, the unvarnished truth. there was only one liar in this marriage, and I ain't the one.

[pameladean]

I'm not accusing you of lying. I'm taking issue with your opinions of Lydy's motivations, personality, writing ability, and so on. I am sure you believe them, but that doesn't mean they are remotely accurate, because they aren't.

This is really all that I have to say on the subject.

P.

[markiv1111.livejournal.com]

Pamela, Nate was violent with me. I'm not making that up. I have never tried to hurt him during our altercations. I have gone out of my way to try not to hurt him.

He loses control; this is a real issue, and I worry about any woman who makes the mistake of being alone with him.

[pameladean]

You've made all that very clear many times.

I don't see that insulting Lydy is a great way to warn her.

And I wasn't talking about anything you had ever said about Nate. I was taking issue with your expressed opinions of a member of my family. When I said you made up a bunch of stuff, I meant about Lydy, and I stick to that. You are wrong about her about as completely as it is possible to be.

Having said that, I am done.

P.

[markiv1111.livejournal.com]

I didn't make up anything, Pamela. Don't be a credulous child, for pity's sake.